Billy

The first words Billy ever uttered to me where “fuck me that hurt” and the second time I spoke to him he said, “me fuckin `ands are registered “What a weird dude he was.
The first time I met him he appeared from around the corner riding an old paraffin pisser, a 50cc moped, it was fallin to bits with all kinds hangin off it, and he was also carrying a can of some kind. The significance of which, we were soon to find out. He stopped in the middle of the junction of terraced houses and got off the bike. Taking the lid off the can, he poured what turned out to be some used engine oil on the floor.
He got back on his bike and roared off in a cloud of smoke down the road.
We were all sitting on the low wall by the garages, that the local residents used for parking their
Cars. Enjoying the sun and passing around a very large Moroccan woodbine.
Just as we were wondering what the hell that was all about, we heard the noise of him coming back down the road. Looking up we could see him screaming down the road back towards the junction he had just left. As soon as he got to the patch of oil he had laid down on the road, he jammed his brakes on for all they where worth.
His bike went one way, and crashed into the wall of the local dairy and Billy went the other way,
Six foot in the air for about 20 feet! Arms and legs going all over the place, he landed in a crumpled heap in the middle of the road.
I swear to god we all nearly pissed ourselves laughin, after a while he got up and walked over to us.
He had a few lumps and bumps but otherwise seemed all right.
I said,” fuck me mate” what was that all about? He said “Just practicing me stunts”!
“Stunts” I said. What the fuck for? He said, “Oh you know, just keepin fit like”. I can`t practice me martial arts coz me `ands are registered like”. What martial arts are they then I said, he muttered some word that sounded like “amachambee or something! Then went off on one and started dancing around like Bruce lee, only in slow motion like he`d been watching some slow mo scenes on the telly. He also started darting in and out towards me chopping the air either side of me face whilst muttering strange sounds like ee, aah, woo,hyy,
So I slapped him, not hard really, but it did make a bit of a noise.”Fuckin` hell “he said, what did ya do that for? “Sorry mate” I said. But I thought ya were gonna smack me one.
No, I wouldn’t do that, I told ya I could get done, coz of me hands like, bein registered an all.
“Sorry about that then mate” holding out my hand. He shook hands with me and said “me names Billy whats yours”?
That was how I first met Billy.